Musings Of A Worn Clay Figure

All anybody wants is to be understood.

“Courage, Poise, and Self-confidence.”

—   I’m back. I failed.

I failed. “This recruit” only made it a month into bootcamp before he broke; and the Marine corps. has no place for broken things. 

Reason for Early Seperation: Convenience of the government; failure to adjust with deep mood.

I apologize for disappointing you all. I want to thank everyone who sent me letters, because i was in a state where everything was dark, and you were my points of light. I wouldn’t have made it even a month without you.

Facebook isn’t the place to apologize properly, and I hope to tell you all face to face; because you deserve that much. The story, and the apologies. I’m always able to talk if you need me. Expect a phone call soon if you sent me a letter.

"The day before I went home, I recieved 6 pieces of mail. All of which, came from people who believed in me, and wanted me to finish what I started. It was a lot like a knife to the heart, mostly because, by not finishing. 

I had stabbed those people who believed in me, in the back. A part of me is sad that I didn’t make it.  And, as I was told, I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. It casts doubts on my thoughts. Did I win? Did I fight to escape the noose and succeed? Hollow victories and large casualties. I have to make this worthwhile.

I have depression, and I need to talk to people about it. This heavy, choking, angry, snarling feeling that keeps me tied down.  No more. I need to stay positive, I need to match this pride, and stubborness, to good will and happiness. 

It will be hard, and already my heart feels weighted.

However, I have already proved there is nothing more to fear,. I am glad my recruiter sent me the plaque that embodied why I came to the marine corps.
"Courage, Poise, and Self-Confidence"
And more! Raaaah!!

head held high. I am different from before. Perhaps scarred, but powerful still, and soft. Most importantly; still soft, and kind-hearted.


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Reading: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe.

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I had feelings for you.


I had feelings for you. And when I made those feelings known, you made it known that you didn't feel the same way.


An awkward patch, absolutely, but we talked about it and it's behind us.


No. It's behind you. You don't like messy. You don't like feeling bad. So as soon as you could, you just moved on and abandoned me.

Cowards dont make it to the eyes. I’ve always been this predator. Eyes set, unwavering. Sometimes locked In wonder, usually in anticipation. I must bore too many holes. Of course it’ll make you scared; most prey tremble, wracked with terror at the glint of fangs behind a hungry grin. Maybe i’m some form of cannibal, maybe I thought you were too. I’ll not settle for anything less than an ouroboros.

caught-in-a-rats-nest asked: I'm dying to know who you are

Well hi there Pretty lady. I’m what’s known as a hotpot of contradictions. But I guess that describes what I am rather than who. We should play that game where we take turns asking eachother questions. I’ll start.

“There’s like a million different ways to say “I love you,”
“put your seat belt on,”
“watch your step,”
“get some rest,” …you’ve just got to listen.”

—   Unknown  (via psych-facts)

(via xinfatuation)


God damnit. I hate you.

Best Friend:

Haha! Why do you say that?


Because if I said "I love you." Our friendship would be ruined.

In like 50 years sassy gay is gonna be like black face

(Source: ciddrawsatwork)

Purity Ring - Lofticries


i dance by myself to this song.